Ekunyi's Embers

Kemetic Bloghop November 2017 – Gratitude

Pardon the dust in this tiny corner of the internet, I fear it has been quite awhile since I last wrote here.

*takes a feather duster to various descriptions of icons, poems of devotion, and old ponderings about the mysteries of the divine.*

To my chagrin, a new spiritual year has come and gone and a new secular year is about to begin in just another month or so, all without any reflection or comment from yours truly. I have not made time to write here in months. Admittedly, in considering it, I’ve made very little time for my own personal spiritual needs at all.

“You cannot pour from an empty cup,” is the phrase I so readily share with others. You cannot give when you have not allowed yourself to take.

I’ve tried, certainly, against my better judgement, to keep on pouring. I’ve upheld my responsibilities to my spiritual community to the best of my ability, done my ritual work as priest and continued to serve as part of the team that helps foster and build community within my religion.

I’ve been giving a great deal in my job every day. I’m the first to volunteer to teach the extra workshop, to take on the new client. To stay late to see that person who can only come in after hours. Some of it’s making a good impression during my first year as staff at my non-profit. (And some of it is just me being me: a recovering perfectionist, still overly infused with the drive to get shit done.)

I’ve also been trying to be there more for family, as loved ones have faced challenges of myriad sorts and I’ve offered what support I can, now that my health is stable. *knocks on wood*

Admittedly, it’s catching up with me a bit. I’m not in a bad place emotionally, but I am feeling a little threadbare in various bits and bobs of my being. My body, as it likes to do, has solidifed this personal self-assessment by bestowing me with a cold.

Okay, Saryt, you may be wondering, this is all well and good, but you seem to have forgotten that the title of this grand re-entrance is “Gratitude”?

True enough! But, you see, there’s gratitude in all of this. Gratitude in having so much of a personal sense of purpose because of my religious community, in being able to serve my gods and my spiritual family as w’ab priest and community helper.

There is gratitude in knowing that as soon as I post this, chances are that someone is going to reach out to me and check in. Offer their love and support in turn. What I give out is given back to me tenfold, and I am forever and always thankful for this.

The responsibility for any lack of energy to keep giving, rests purely on my shoulders, as does my lack of time for my own personal, spiritual growth.

Yet, even as sit here and think about it, the soft grey light that defines Appalachian winters a comfortable presence beside me, I know my gods are near. That they love me, even if I have briefly lost sight of myself and my own needs for a time.

Set has always held me to high expectations, but the love He gives in kind is so fiercely strong, a bolt of fire straight to my heart that moves too quickly for me to offer any contradictions. His heat and affectio is there, always there, even when I need to remember that I am human, inevitably fallible and restricted to certain inevitable limits, and must step back from the fierce push to excel that I fully believe is one of His many gifts to my personality and being. Bast’s affections towards me are a broader thing, gentle but ever present. Her touch is sunlight that slowly warms me to the core, seeping in gradually so that no inadvertent thought-walls of self-doubt can hold Her out, reminding me that I am worthy of that love just as I am, no matter what I have done, or will do.

How could one do anything less than fall to their knees and kiss the ground before such love, gratitude coming forth from my heart as my beautiful, strong, incredible gods of protection come forth from their shrines.

I will care for myself today, as I care for my world. This begins with this post, and a promise to continue writing, making space for my own, personal devotions, as well as my ongoing dedication to serve the communities and individuals I love.

4 Responses to “Kemetic Bloghop November 2017 – Gratitude”

  • You give so much of yourself, I am happy to see that you will be treating yourself with the same kindness you share with others. I am so thankful to have you as a part of my kemetic family!
    Tawa’u recently posted: Three Years of Thankfulness

  • I’m so glad you’re feeling your spiritual parents’ love. I’m sure They, as do your friends, want you to really tend to yourself. Feel better soon! <3

  • Ibi:

    I know I am blessed by the love of my Parent and my connections to all the Netjeru. And for all those in the House of Netjer that support me. You are definitely one of these. The honor of being initiated as a w’abet with you still gives me joy. You have amazing gifts. And as another recovering perfectionist, I really get it.

    I’m just getting over my cold. It was definitely caused by dealing with the stresses of letting go of old expectations. Spent this weekend looking at what I need in my life and what I need to let go of.

    I always love reading your reflections and thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

    Ibi
    Ibi recently posted: 4. The peace and joy of ritual.

  • There’s no “like” button on this blog set up – so, “like”. :-)

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